For Every Season There is a Time reposted

For Every Season There is a Time...Written August 1998..after the loss of my mom

The past few months of my life have probably been the hardest I've ever experienced. It was a time where my faith and trust in God was really put to the test. it was a time when I questioned God and asked Him, "Why?' A time when I was angry with Him and didn't understand His ways and basically told Him how angry I was. it was a time that, when i looked at the circumstances of my life, i could not find anything to give thanks for. A time where I cried so many tears that i didn't think I could cry any more, but I did. A time whee I felt my heart was broken in pieces and had to experience the pain of grief and loss. I know I will experience that pain again, but if I could, I would run away from it. But to run away would be like running away from a part of life, and for reasons that I may never understand, God allowed me to through these times. And just when I get to the point where the pain so unbearable, I finally cry out to God for help. He picks me up so gently and wraps His loving arms around me. Then I realize through those times that I questioned Him, was angry with him and even thought He had abandoned me, I know He understands and still loves me.

Then He begins to restore back the hope that was lost. He allows me to bear my burdens to Him as I tell Him, "I don't understand, God. Why did my mom, my best friend, have to die? She was too young, and I wasn't ready to let her go. It's like when You took her, You took a part of me also." God listens and empathizes with my pain. he understands my protests and when the timing is right, He begins to heal the hurt. He fills the part of me that feels so empty without my mom with his love. Then I realize that no matter what, He will never leave me and I begin to thank Him just for life itself. To be able to wake up and take a breath. I thank him for carrying me through these past months, and I tell Him that I'm sorry for doubting Him. Then He tells me that He understands because He feels what I feel and sympathizes with my weaknesses. I thank him for making me strong in Him when I was weak. "He places my feet upon a Rock and puts a new song in my heart," and i begin to praise Him."

As I sit in our campsite at the end of a four-day weekend with my family surrounded by His awesome creation, I praise Him for being able to get away with my family. It's Monday morning and Steve had to go home last night. Ashley, her friend Brandi and i decide to stay an extra night up here surrounded by the mountains and crystal-clear lake. Last night was kind of scary as I realized we had no lantern and a little food left over from the weekend. But i am confident that we can make it. I pray that God will protect us and encamp his angles around our campsite. I look up into the sky and notice how big and bright the stars are. i praise God for the beauty of His creation. As it starts to get really dark, I make the biggest campfire I can. As Ashley, Brandi and I sit around the campfire, the girls ask to tell scary stories. I thank god for being able to spend some time with my daughter, away from the distractions of home the TV and the phone. So i tell them a scary story that my dad used to tell us called, "The Hook, Drip, Drop, Scratch, Scratch." As the story intensifies, both girls move their chairs closer to mine and Ashley says, "It's okay mom if you want to sleep in our tent tonite." I praise God that she still looks to me as her protector.

The girls need to use the bathroom and are a little apprehensive about walking there alone, especially after all the scary stories we've shared. i assure them that they will be fine and they venture out on the pitch-black trail. i keep a watchful eye on them and as they come back, i decided to hide behind a tree. At just the right moment, I jump out and scream. The look of shear terror on their faces as they scream back causes us all to burst out laughing. We return to the fire and tell some jokes and end the night playing cards. With nothing else to do, we get into our small, dark tent. On the way, I decide to grab a weapon, just in case: my trusty hot-dog roaster. As we settle down, we hear a noise. We think it's someone scratching the outside of our Tent! (Scratch, Scratch).. But we realized it was only pine needles falling off of the tree onto our tent.

In the morning, I get up before the girls, make a fire and some coffee. While the girls sleep, I reflect on the past months of my life. Although there has been some very difficult times, i can't help but notice all the beauty of God's creation that surrounds me. I know that God has brought me through these trials and I praise him for all His blessings this weekend. Then I truly realize and understand "That for every season, there is a time. A time to weep and a time to rejoice!