Trust issues!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6.

I memorized this verse years ago, actually convinced myself that I truly believed it, and at times in my walk of faith or lack of I have believed it, or not always dependent on my circumstances .

Mostly, when life and circumstances went my way it was easy to trust. But when life took a detour off the path that I had planned, and went off course, such as maybe health issues, the times my marriage was put to the test, loss, grief, hurt, adult kids that I still worry about, grandkids that I worry about because of the culture they are bombarded by today, fears that all the sudden come out of nowhere.

Life does not go the way we plan, even when we pray. Praying for things that we feel would be God's will, or you think you know that would be God's will. Things maybe like healing, salvation for your family, that your kids would seek the Lord with all their heart, healing for your marriage.

As a Christian, I realize that we are not immune from painful life choices, circumstances, even when we pray His will be done. It doesn't always align up to what our will would be or desire. Even those things you know or think would His will. Does he desire people to be healed, I would think yes. Does He want marriages to be healed? I say yes. Does he want our families and friends to come to salvation? Yes, I would think so. Does He desire our adult kids who we love and want the best for, who may wander at times away from Him, to come back to Him? I would say yes, and yet even when I have prayed, prayers of healing, prayers of salvation for friends and family, prayers for the wanderers that I love. I could go on and on, and I know other friends and Christian Believers who pray such things and yet things didn't go their way. Death, hurt, people not healed, marriages dissolved, prodigals still out there wandering. When I see and experience even personally these things not being answered the way I want, even the way I think that God would want, I ask myself, wouldn't some of these be in His will?

That is when my faith and trust in Him gets really put to the test. And to be honest when things didn't go according to my plans and ways doubt would creep in, lack of trust on God, sometimes despair, sometimes depression, my trust and faith really would be put to the test.

Oh, but on the other side there have been many, many times that God answered and provided, healed, answered, and in those times it was easy to give praise say amen, God is good, Praise You Jesus. I've experienced those seasons, but if I were to be honest when things didn't go as Teri planned, it wasn't so easy to say amen, God is good, thank you Jesus, just being real here.

The first of the year the very first sermon at church for 2017 was on the verse, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, no matter what comes our way this year Trust!. Our pastor put a word picture out there of a game that some of us may have played as kids. When you're blindfolded on a platform and someone is standing behind you asking you just to free fall into their arms trust me. Without questions doubts, just to be able to trust them to catch you when you fall. I do remember playing that game once and the person who was supposed to catch me actually lost their balance and missed and we both went tumbling. But that's not our God, and he does ask me, Teri do you really trust me? And if you do, I want you to free fall into my arms because I will catch you and I will carry you and you can find safety in my arms. I remember God asking me that day if I were willing to free fall and to trust Him, what ever comes my way this year, to just let go and trust Him in everything, and I said yes Lord I want to trust You, I want to free fall into Your arms knowing that even if things do not go my way, I will trust in You .

That was in January and here we are in July. And as I've been wrestling with and trusting God even when things have not gone my way and they haven't, God is still asking me Teri, freefall ..trust Me in the good times and in the bad times and in the ugly times. Even when my prayers may not get answered my way or my timing. Even if healing doesn't come, even in the struggles of relationships and family, even in the hurts, even when finances may not be there. .but look back and see where I have answered, provided, walked with You. In this season I am being tested and challenged that when life goes off track and it does to continue fall and trust Him.

Yes, I still struggle and wrestle with God at times, I argue at times I have my temper tantrums, when I don't understand..His ways, I get that He does not control us like puppets, and everyone has free will..maybe at times I'm comparing Him to my friend when I was a kid, and we played that game, and when I did fall back, and feee fell he missed, but God won't miss. He will catch me, hold me, and work all things out for His good, through the good, the bad and the ugly.

So, I am learning to, "Trust the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding". .to free fall into His arms, knowing that He will catch me and that He has my back.