*I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you. (Joshua 1:5)
Dear God,
Today I want to praise You for this season in the wilderness. For in this season, You removed so much of what I became dependent on to fill those empty places of my heart, that I put before You. Several times You knocked me to my knees as You needed to show me those places in my heart that once again needed some heart surgery, (Ouch). In this time in the wilderness it has caused me to cry out to You, even when I have not felt Your presence. In the wilderness it has shown me my desparate need for you, and you alone to fill the empty places, to deal with some issues that I allowed to entangle and choke out some of the fruit of Your Spirit that You desire for me to walk in. But I am thankful that no matter what You never left me, and Your love and Your grace never leave me.
I am thankful God that You have slowed me down enough, asking me to be still so that You can again deal & heal this heart of mine that needed some healing and dealing. The process has been painful and long as I have had to slow down, and You have revealed some idols in my life that needed to be removed, some of them being busyness, even family, church, things that are good, but if those things come before You, and that first love intimate relationship that somewhere I lost in some life issues, and running to this and that fill those places, but in that missing You. I thank you God that in this, You have shown me Your grace and Your love, so much, that You don't want me to stay stuck.
I am thankful God that I am not alone, that I have characters in the bible who I can relate too, because they too struggled, lost faith, cried out to You, fell down and by Your mercies were able to get back up. I think of Elijah who struggled with depression. I have during the wilderness. Job who at times questioned you why..I have in the wilderness. Thomas who doubted, I have. David who cried out to You, with such honesty and transparancy..thank goodness for David and his heart-felt honesty to You in all things such as loss, temptation, sin, and yet You call him a man after God's own heart.
In my wilderness experience my faith blanket got torn as I have felt discontent and despair, I felt my faith being tested, and I was feeling very afraid and insecure...sometimes when life hits hard and we are put to the test, it reveals our faith or lack of...but thank goodness God, you didn't beat me up in the wilderness or leave me, actually I think You led me there...You have brought me in the wilderness to show my deep need for You. That I can trust You, even when my feelings contradict. In the wilderness I have felt broken, but it's been in the brokeness, that I see my weaknesses, my frailities, my lack of faith, my lack of You and my desparate need for You and Your strength, because this flesh wars against You at times, but thank goodness for Jesus and the cross and that because of my lack of, shows me my need of Your salvation and grace!!!..and in all this I am thankful that I could cry out to You and be honest..that there was no one else to run too but You...and You understand. The longer I am a Christian, the more I see my need for You. Thankyou God, because in the wilderness season I have drawn closer to You. Your love never changed...and I am learning what Your grace and mercies really mean and that I am nothing without You and Your grace..because in me I fail, but in You there I can find hope, strength, mercy, love...Thank you God that in the wilderness... You never left me, in fact it is where I needed to be.
*The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. the righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the recue each time. (Psalms 34:18-19)
